Becoming You: Living Authentically
“Tell me how are you going to live this one precious life?” Mary Oliver.
Dr. Gabor Mate, a recognized expert in the field of trauma, addiction, and childhood development, defines authenticity “the quality of being true to oneself, and the capacity to shape one’s own life from a deep knowledge of that self” (2022, Mate & Mate, p. 106).
Dr. Mate describes how many of us learned at a young age to disconnect from ourselves – from our truth – to keep people around us or to keep those around us happy. For example, we might have learned that our feelings weren’t allowed when a parent yelled “You have nothing to cry about!”. Or maybe our needs and feelings were neglected and in that experience the we learned that what we felt or needed wasn’t important. Our culture is generally not comfortable with emotions -other than happiness – being expressed, and so it is no wonder that we try to avoid feeling angry or hurt when something goes wrong. This short video explains how we may have lost knowledge of who we are and how we can get to know ourselves.
Learning to be authentic means working to heal this disconnection. Learning to listen to and connect to your body, to practice curiosity and self compassion for yourself, and to learn what you are feeling and what your emotions are trying to tell you.
I work with clients using Internal Family Systems which is a model of therapy which works to assist you gain insight into who you are and to help clarify the coping strategies that are no longer working for you. As we gain insight into your internal system, you become empowered to listen and to trust your inner wisdom. This is the greatest gift we can have – to be awake. To be present. Read more about how I work using Internal Family Systems (IFS) or Self-Leadership.
“The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don’t go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don’t go back to sleep.” Rumi
Movie: Wisdom of Trauma – Dr. Gabor Mate 2022. https://thewisdomoftrauma.com/about-the-film/
The Myth of Normal: Trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture (2022). Mate G. & Mate D. Knopt Canada.